More Art Stuff. Surprise!

The minutes are slipping by and I've got something like 17 short days to go. I just took inventory for the first time and I'm feeling pretty okay about where I'm at [ha, yeah right....no I'm not.] My goal was to have 27 pieces [for my 27th year, of course] and I have 25ish right now; 5ish of which are still being worked on. I have ideas for about 7-12 more, although I don't know if even 7 are obtainable. We'll see. Chug chug, puff puff. Maybe I can just chill out for a sec and scale back to smaller sizes. This medium to large business is so much different than what I'm used to.

I'm kind of behind on promoting because of that dumb thing called work. At least that dumb thing will let me get the boots I've been swooning over. I think they will be my gift to myself at the end of the year for reaching all my goals. I'd feel good about a purchase like that rather than a purchase just because. Then every time I wear them I'll proudly think back to this year. Yeah, I should probably get them. And then I'll have to buy some leggings and cute tunics. *Sigh.* Anyway...I was hoping to have flyers up by now but I don't even have them ordered, let alone designed. Maybe tonight. Probably not. I have no idea when I'll be able to pin them up around Madison. Some random hour in the night I guess...I'll have to find a buddy for that one.

It's 8:33 a.m. and I will start getting ready for work in about an hour. I work the late shift tonight but I finally have 2 days off after today. I'm sitting on the chaise lounge section of my couch and I can hear some terribly awful music. I was wondering where it was coming from...I don't think any of my neighbors listen to music, or at least they don't listen to it at the same levels I choose to enjoy my music at, so I was starting to wonder where it was coming from. For half a second I thought it was garbage day and that I'd lost track of what day it was...our recycling service struts a tan colored truck that pulls a long, dented up horse trailer that's been faded to a light red. A guy climbs down from the driver's seat at each house to sort the recyclables on site. Sounds like hell to me. I don't know how he gets through the days, sorting all those cat food cans and pickle jars. Too repetitive for me. He usually listens to Shania Twain or Z104, the area's main pop station. And so I thought that maybe that awful music was coming from his truck. 

And then I realized that it's coming from my garage. Welp, too late to fix that problem...the song ended about 5 minutes ago now. But, I should go out and check on my paint to be sure that it's drying okay. It's kind of chilly this morning- 46 degrees. Not ideal for printmaking, but super ideal for hoodie wearing. Maybe it's gone up a few degrees....off to find out. Talk to you all soon. Have a good couple of days. [PS: I wrote this 2 days ago and never hit "publish"...damn.]

Moving Along at Glacial Speed

It's been a frustrating couple of days. Lots and lots of hours in my project lodge of a garage. At least I prepped my mood with the expectation that the jigsaw thing wasn't going to go so well. Made it a little easier when it, predictably, did not go so well. Didn't really anticipate spilling half a quart of watermelon-pink latex paint on the garage floor. Maybe it was less. I don't know. 

Wasn't too terribly excited when I realized that I had to gouge out a loose knot of wood and fill it and sand it, three separate times, even after I had already painted, with wood filler. We won't talk about that. And of course there was the touch-up job with the paint that was somehow half a shade off from the original color. I noticed that part a couple hours after I jotted a few strokes on the surface. 

Burnt out light bulbs at 9:00 p.m. always suck, but not as much as the light bulb that burns out 3 seconds after you screw it in. What a charmer. And to think I was all proud of myself for taking all the appropriate measures...in their proper order...to change the light bulb before I went and rifled through the cabinets for it. You know- just little stuff. Moved a few cinder blocks so I could move a couple tables. Had to unplug some things from the outlet that's behind some other things. Walked into the jigsaw blade that I had just taken off the table and set on the ground when I was going to move everything. I was wearing sandals. Went the the backyard in the dark to get the ladder. Fortunately, nothing bad happened during my blind jaunt around to the back of the house. Set the ladder up and trekked to the top [okay, so it's like 4 rungs] and opened the light fixture only to have half a pound of dead bugs scatter all across the fresh paint. It was the piece with the gouge I had to fill 3 times. That thing is cursed by now. 

Screwed in the new bulb, smiled that SOMETHING finally worked, began to crawl down the ladder and jumped half a mile high because of the loud pop of the new bulb dying. Ugh. UGH. UGH. I'm surprised that none of my knuckles are broken or bleeding yet. Punching something crossed my mind half a dozen times. It's not frequent that it does...but seriously. The last couple days have sucked, mega style.

Joe came out at some point and asked how it was going. It took a lot of energy for me to keep myself from turning into the sister of Incredible Hulk and not seem like I was entirely fed up. And it took even more energy to erase the thought that I had just wasted so. much. time. when I'm only 25 days out and I don't have many hours away from other commitments during that period. It's okay, though.

+++

I'm happy to say that I have finally made some headway [it's the next morning now...] and I think I may be able to crank out 3 pieces today. It's that whole cut/sand/prime/paint thing that takes so dang long. Especially when I mess things up. But, like I said- I did move forward last night by a small amount.  

And that small amount was that I got my beetle carved and printed! It was the first thing that went right all day yesterday...at like 6:30 p.m. And to think that I started my day at 6:30 a.m. The entire time I was carving I kept thinking that it was going to turn out horribly, but when I peeled the inked block away from the paper during the first test print, I pretty much jumped with glee. If I could do cartwheels I would have. And then I went inside to eat chicken apple curry for dinner and try to gather some more electricity for round 3. I went back out an hour later and printed with my new beetle. This morning I went out and got a few more things ready for printing and then cut and glued some scraps.

So I made a deal with myself- if I can finish 3 pieces today, I might drive to Madison to buy a new camera and some red printing ink. Well, I made that deal 5 hours ago and I think only 2 pieces are going to happen, but that's because I am kind of taking it easy. Tomorrow starts a new chain of work days and I'm really, really not ready for it. But I'm not going to think about that because then the pinchy claws come out and I turn into a crab.

Whew. Okay. End of...whatever you want to consider that. Anyway, what have you been up to lately? Any fun plans for the end of summer/beginning of fall? I don't know about you, but I am so looking forward to boots and scarfs and sweaters and cider and donut holes and hockey. Not football. Hockey. Fall = Hockey.

House Painting: Exterior

The sun is strong this morning and the ground is still under a dewy web. It's 8:45 and I'm sitting in the living room, enjoying coffee that can hardly pass for lukewarm and some yogurt that may or may not be expired. I tossed a handful of Grape Nuts in just in case. I figured I could just focus on the bite of the cereal rather than the bite of aged dairy. It seems to be working. In all honesty, I'm pretty sure it's not expired. But it is the yogurt that I kept stacking new ones on top of after each trip to the grocery store, so I can't be too careful. And I think it says something about July on the container. Moving on.

I have today off and then I work half a billion hours again. Working a lot always confirms my decision that a) I don't really want to be a mom and b) I'm usually more productive at home when I'm stacked with hours at work. This week's fun? We started painting the exterior of our house. As of August 15 we will have been in this house for 3 years...I think it's a good way to round out the third year.

This is pretty much what the house looked like when we bought it. Dusty Grandma Blue. Not like a dusty grandma but more like dusty AND grandma. Busy railings and too many giddy bushes to keep tamed. Stupid river rocks that ended up taking us hours and hours and a mountain of buckets to remove. There was also blue carpet on the porch, but I ripped it out before the photo was taken.

You may recall when I posted about removing the bushes a while back. Those things were pretty gnarly...the roots were incredibly smitten where they were and put up a damn good fight. I was so happy to have them gone. Ugh. We removed the railings on the same day. And by "we" I mean my mom and I. She's a bit more gung-ho than I am when it comes to house stuff, so it's nice to have her around when I need to get shit done. She's coming over in about an hour, actually....and I have a lot to do before then. Blogging isn't supposed to be one of them. Whatever, who wants to spend 45 minutes sweeping, mopping and vacuuming when you can try your luck with 17. Funny how fast we move under pressure, isn't it?

Anyway, here you can see what the porch looked like after the shrubs were yanked. You know that interview question on interior design websites that goes something like "what's your biggest embarrassment?" Well, my answer would be "The entire front of the house." Yeah, it has looked like this for some time now. I won't say how long, but some time. We are finally moving forward. It's about damn time...I don't know how much longer I could keep parking the car with my eyes closed. That blue was really getting to me.

And so, as of yesterday the dusty grandma blue is finally on it's way out. After about 12 trips to various hardware stores and Sherwin WIlliams and 30 swatches later, I ended up with 7 samples [mostly all on different days, of course.] And then, after almost pulling my hair out, I finally [FINALLY] found the right one. I didn't realize how hard it would be to find a good green. But alas, I did find it after much perseverance. 

And here's the craziest part- I picked it from a swatch. Yeah. After spending lots of time and money on all those different samples, I was at my wit's end. The paint store is 21 miles away-- not really what I consider to be convenient. What was convenient was that they were having a 40% off sale. The problem was that I became short on time and had to just PICK something already. So, after shuffling a million swatches that I marked "too gold"..."too blue"..."too brown"...and "too green" I took the plunge and asked Joe to get 5 gallons of Sherwin Williams "Meadow Trail" while I was at work. I looked at the swatch for the 50th time and just knew it had to be the one. I felt kind of bad sending him on a Sunday,  which I thought was the last day of the sale and was sure to be crazy. Turns out it actually ended on Monday. Oh well. 

So yesterday we painted for 6.5 hours. The beer helped. I didn't intentionally include it in the photo but I guess it just happened to be there. Central Waters Ouisconsing Red in case you're curious. Anyway, we are really excited to be able to paint- the heat here has been keeping us at bay for weeks now! I'm extremely happy with the results...if you are looking for a good rustic green, you should really try this Meadow Trail color. I can finally look at the house without cringing-- it fits in much, much better than that blue. Next up is new exterior lights, some chairs and paint for the porch. A walkway is in the works as well. I can't wait to decorate for the holidays now! Before I never wanted to because frankly, I didn't want people looking at the house. I know- it wasn't THAT bad....but it wasn't that great either. Definitely not something to be proud of. 

So a question for you: have you painted the exterior of your house before? What color did you go with? What do you think of it?

It's August.

Welp, as of a couple days ago I can march around and say that my show is next month. I'll most likely hang a right on a side street so I can skip away from the parade and hide.

I've been working a lot over the past week. Office job in the morning, outdoor job in the evening. I'm not good with working a mega ton, but I'm managing. I just need time to sit, think, process, enjoy. Yeah yeah, I'm sure everybody does. But some people are better at working than others and I like when tasks are sorted to people who are good at them, haha. I do appreciate the fact that my day isn't typically a carbon copy of the last...I don't like the thought of 9-5, M-F. I've never had that but I don't think I'd be so good at it. 


Anyway. Back to it. I made a list yesterday and sorted my [art show] to-dos for the next month. Of course, I'll probably do exactly opposite of what the list says, but I'll deal with that when it comes up. I'm looking forward to doing the things like "jigsaw 9-12 wooden circles" and "start 3 medium sized pieces: sand and prime". I thought about using a router for the circles but then I stopped and thought about how much of the process of each piece would be gone if I did that. A router would just do the work for me and make all the edges perfect. And I'd have to figure out how to use this router that has a million pieces that my brother scored for me. So jigsaw it is. More on that soon.

One good thing about working lots is that I'll finally be able to get a new camera. For now just pretend it's 2004. It will make the photo look way better.

I'm starting a bigger piece that's going to have lots of beetles on it. I've always been kind of fascinated by those dawdling bugs, all buttoned up in their cute shiny jackets. Something about them just makes me smile. There will probably be 27 beetles in all if I can pull myself to draw 27 beetles. Or I may just block print some and draw others. I haven't decided.


One nice thing about taking a 5 day training course that only covers things I already know [hey, i had to find something good in it to keep me from going out of my mind] is that it's given me a lot of time to think about how I'm going to set things up at the show. I really can't wait until it all comes together. I don't think I would have come up with the same ideas if I had just sat down at home and thought about it, so I think a few coffee shop visits are in order as well. I had stopped going because my computer is all sorts of effed up when it tries to connect to wi-fi, but I don't need a computer for this kind of thing.


Okay, well today is my LAST day of training [for now] and I have to figure out what to wear for casual friday. So rough. I'm locking myself in the house after work to finally spend more than 30 consecutive minutes on show prep. I asked Joe if he could give me some time to just do my thang. Hopefully that means he'll go shopping and buy me things. He won't, but I can still dream. 

And hey- thanks for sticking with me lately. To everybody who has emailed and left me sweet comments on here, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you took the time to do that. Seriously.

Violin Mantis

I just snailed my way across 3 days off and what do I have to show for it? Well, not much art stuff...but I did get some garden projects moving along and some house cleaning and exterior paint sampling done. And, of course, I am still undecided on the color. I'm thinking about mixing Sherwin Williams Messenger Bag with Olive Grove but I haven't tried it yet. I'll be back with the full report once I've decided...I only have like 24 hours left before their super-mega sale starts, meaning that I really need to reel it in and PICK ONE already.

In other news, my camera has officially died. Thanks for helping that along, Clem. You're a peach. Well...actually....you're a Clementine but you can be a peach for today. Anyway, if you've followed the blog for more than a year or so, you'll remember that I've talked about replacing the camera for a good 3-4 years now. Just one of those things I guess...I have bought 2 and returned both because I didn't like them even though they had stellar reviews. I think I tried Sony and Nikon. I guess I'll stick to what I know and stay friends with Canon, but until I move forward with that quest, here's a crappy scratched-lens-camera-phone shot:

This is 1 of 4 in my insect series. Although, neither 2 3 or 4 exist yet, so I may be stretching the truth a bit. I don't know. The letters aren't glued down, I just cut them out this morning. In case you ever need to calm down and chill out, you should try cutting letters out of book pages...it's a lot like gardening but not as strenuous or dirty and you don't need a wheelbarrow or a shovel. So maybe it's not like gardening. My point is that it's very calming and you should try it sometime.

So yeah. I'm not sure if I want to add anything above the words or not. Thoughts? I have a hard time stopping when there is still blank space, but I'm trying to challenge myself here. Ugh, speaking of challenges, the other thing that I'm having a *really* hard time with is pricing. I have never, ever had a hard time with this before, but I was always under the "I want people like ME to be able to afford my stuff....people who don't have a ton of extra cash." But the problem is that after 10 people tell you that you're underselling yourself, it becomes a little more difficult. And...I'm not going to have the internet barrier to protect me at this show thing. So we'll see what happens. Oh. I should also point out that this mantis piece is my biggest one yet...I think it's like 26 x 30 or something.

Okay, well that's all for now. I should start getting ready for work. Only a high of 82 today, and after the pattern of 100+ degree days, I'm about ready to wear some jeans. Hope you're all doing well...talk soon. Oh yeah- T-minus 51 days. Eff.

T-Minus 60 [Days]

60 days to go and I'm actually kind of excited. Not freaking out like I was 40 days ago. Not stressing like I was 20 days ago. Just having a good time and accepting those things that had been crinkling around the good ol' think-box. At least for the time being, anyway. Ask me how I am next week and that could change entirely.

It's been really, really hot here lately and I kept using it as an excuse as to why I hadn't worked on anything. And then I stopped and thought about this for a minute. I snapped out of it and realized that it's okay to lay low sometimes and that I don't need to find an excuse when there's an actual reason. And the reason, that I finally happened upon after secretly celebrating the first couple hot days that would magically keep me out of the garage, was that I was in a rut. It's really that simple. I just wasn't feeling it. I'm sure you've felt the same way. The good thing about mulling this over was that I wasn't at war with myself anymore, which meant that I eventually found my way back to my path. So off I went to set up the sawhorses and find my saw. Of course, re-finding the path happened when it was still 106 outside, but thankfully it was toward the end of the heat wave. Yes, that's me wearing jeans in the heat and yes that's my super cute vintagey green air compressor and yes that's my canoe hanging by the rafters. And yes I wore safety glasses when I cut the wood. Sun glasses? Hmm.

So um, as you can see here, after the whole "hey it's effing hot out" ordeal was over, I have inched my way into the kitchen. Remember how the garage was the only space that was working for me? Welp, looks like the kitchen is the new line leader [do you remember line leaders? i was always too shy and chose to be at the back of the line, mostly because i didn't want people to get upset at me that i was in front of them. first grade logic.] But anyway, yes- so I'm in the kitchen now and I just painted a couple boards. Wood is the only material I've ever worked on and I really like it. One of the pieces is this really great pea green color. The biggest hassle about being indoors now is the cats. Their fur landing on the paint. Their potential paw prints on the paint. Clementine's bitching and moaning. It's all kind of annoying. I'll live, although they might not.

I've been learning a lot about myself during this whole making process [and also being reminded how much I dislike drawing....] and it's been kind of a fun venture. Minus not liking to draw. But anyway, I've taken to heart the fact that I need to switch things up a lot and it's a lot less of a battle now that I've accepted it. Not only with my environment, but general routines as well. Schedules, repetitive processes, and planned activities tend to make me a bit edgy and withdrawn and I'm thankful that I've [recently] learned how to deal with this. I just change my schedule or environment or mosey onto a new venture and like a rabbit in a hat, it's all better. I encourage any of you restless thinker types or creative creatures to try it some time. There's actually a good article on something similar over on Psychologies UK. The only concern that this has lead me to is the fact that maybe I shouldn't find myself what they call a career after all. The other problem is that sometimes all that swapping leads to lack of fulfillment. I've definitely trudged that ditch before. Like, last week. Dumb.

Okay, so back to drawing. One thing I learned during my short stint in design school [oh...design school...i miss you so much.] is that trace paper is my saving grace. It's really good if you get frustrated with drawing like I do. Because then you can draw and draw parts and pieces over and over until you get it right without having to erase anything, because eventually you just trace all the parts you like and come up with one entire image. Yeah, it takes forever but that's the way I do it and the only way drawing is any form of enjoyable for me. Aaannnnd you don't go through erasers as quickly. So onto my most recent tracing- a Violin Mantis. They're pretty charming, yeah? This will eventually turn into a screen print but until then I might just transfer the image and ink it up. I don't have a Rotring Rapidograph pen with a nib that's large enough in diameter, so I may have to bust out my Koh-i-Noor Rapidograph pens and curse them for 3 hours until they work. So I'm off to do that now...and feed my always bitching orange boy cat. Ugh. [I love my cat I love my cat I love my cat I love my cat...wait, what's the number of times you need to tell yourself something before it's rooted into your brain? shit. i'll tell you when i figure it out i guess.]

I Guess You Can Say it's Kind of Like My Baby...

You know when you have a blog that you visit for years and then they have a baby and SWEAR that they're not going to talk about the baby thing forever, but then forever comes and they're still talking about the baby? Well, I'm going to try my hardest not to talk about my [art show] baby...but I guess when something tugs at most of your free time, it becomes your life and most people who blog write about....wwwaaaaiiit foorrr iiitt.....their life.

This piece is taking forever and I think it's because the background is white. I had the hardest time with this one, which is white as well, so it only makes sense that it could be one of the reasons. But I think I've gotten through the bramble now. And really- where's the challenge if everything's easy? Anyway, I'm going to add more blue to the middle and a few more rounded shapes to soften the edges. Ha....if only I could just "add" rounded shapes to soften my own edges. Actually, I suppose I COULD do that now that I'm thinking this through a little more! Coins are round and coins buy THINGS. Happy pills are round too. Thin Mints are round and Thin Mints buy a few minutes of glee. I think I might be onto something here...more on this later. Back to my point...it would be awesome if I could finish this piece today but the weather people are in a frenzy about the heat and I don't want to move all my stuff from the garage to the dining room table.

Other than doing art stuff, I've been spending most of my time doing house projects [just small things...i'm slowly coming to the realization that i really don't like doing house projects. DAMN those DIY blogs for convincing me that doing projects is COOL!] Hmmm. Some firefighting stuff as well, but not too much of that yet. Hopefully I can start taking classes for the fire thing this fall, but we'll see. I'm not going to get too excited- it is SCHOOL, after all.

My new cards came in the mail the other day. Rather than calling them business cards, I'm referring to them as my "social networking cards." I'm pretty happy with them and I'm so glad that they turned out as well as they did! They're printed on the front and back and I got a good deal so I went for it and just ordered 500. 

So yeah, that's about it. I got up early this morning and watered the gardens and tried yet another paint sample on the exterior of the house. I think I may have found THE ONE! Bamboo Shoot by Sherwin Williams. We'll see...I was pulling for a color called "Sir-Moss-A-Lot" but he's a bit too boss for me. Which makes sense, because moss is boss. And since I'm rambling about moss, I might as well mention that I'm reading a book called Gathering Moss by Robin Wall Kimmerer. It's my second book this year [hey this is a big deal for me since I suck at finishing novels] and her writing is like soft fingers on a harp. But anyway, back to paint...I am going to go bake myself in the sun oven now and measure the house. Sherwin Williams is having a sale and I need to get on it already.

Can I Ask a Quick Favor of You?

So umm, I don't know if you guys are looking for something to do right now, but maybe you could "like" Yellow Canoe on facebook if you're feeling so inclined [my page for the art stuff.]

I'm trying to get to 200 by September...a pretty low number. But you know, just to gather a few friends before the new people show up. And by new people I mean the ones who may end up there after the show.

It's kind of like when you're in a long parade of cars traveling 53 in a 55. All it takes is one person to go around the slow-ee before the fire is fueled. If that person doesn't end up going around, and they will if they know what's good for them, chances are the other people wont either. biggest pet peeve ever. I face this on a daily basis during my drives across the hills and valleys before I get to Madison.

Anyway, I would be so grateful if you took a peak at the facebook thing. Of course, I don't think you should "like" it if you don't indeed like it. But if you do, that's cool. Thanks a bunch for any help. Sorry- a little forward compared to my normal tendencies but I am trying to come out of my shell a little more. 

*the piece above sold a couple years ago. i admit- i was a little sad to see it go. i hope that wherever it ended up is a house that fun people live in. :)

Adding Layers

A quiet, sunny Thursday morning here; my favorite time of day. I seem to find the most spark when the sun begins to lift or when the moon hangs high. I think that's pretty common.

I started this piece with the intention of keeping it quiet and low-key. You know, just simple and to the point. And then I got going and kept staring right through it as if it were glass...Shuffled a few scraps of paper and stared through it some more. It felt sheepish and meek. And while I'm usually a pusher of "less is more", I usually need the things that I make to really pack a punch. 

And so, after a few trips to the basement for inks, blocks and tools, I started to print. I kept telling myself to keep it calm and restful...but I still think this thing is going to find a fork in the road and choose to veer. The same thing happened with the last 2 pieces...I guess part of the reason is that the challenge of balancing and composing while adding and adding and adding some more is a fun challenge for me. And I think the other reason I always layer more and more is because when it's still or quiet, all the imperfections prod at me even at a half glance. I don't know...it just always seems a bit amateur or something. Not to say I'm a professional or anything. But you know what I mean, right? Maybe? Anyway. Here is where it sits right now...

Yellow arrows, inked to surface. The paper scraps aren't glued down yet. I spend a lot of time staring at the thing before I ever glue. Haha, and to think I wanted to finish this the same day I started...Yeeeahhh. Right.


I read this really great article by Douglas Eby the other day and it made me feel much better about this slow, chameleon-like process. Sometimes I need to step back and remember why I do this in the first place. So far it's the only thing I've found that sustains flow for as long as it does. My other 2 things are solo canoeing and gardening, although gardening isn't as good at it. Well, writing is good too, even though I'm always finding myself in fits with who I am vs. who I'm not. I think that started when I began writing for Houzz. Anyway...back to this article I read. It basically talks about how affected artists/designers/creative minds can be by their environment, which is something I mentioned in my last post. It was reassuring to read it from somebody else. One of my favorite parts from the post is: 

"1. Acceptance. Accepting things as they are is a great way to give yourself permission to be exactly where you’re at in your creative process even if that means struggling to maintain motivation or coming up with ideas. In other words, not judging your current situation as good or bad, but that it is what it is."

Something I need to remember more in my personal life: that things are what they are. Thankfully I'm pretty good at this when it comes to dealing with others. But during my own personal feats I always tend to be pretty hard on myself which is never fun. Annnyyywaaay. That's where I am with the art things right now. 

So my question for you is: What have you learned about yourself in your creative processes? I'm always curious about this sort of thing...I'd love to hear what you think. 

Art Show Stuffs

Last month I felt like crickets were crawling up the walls of my stomach every time I thought about this whole art show thing. I kept thinking in circles..."Oh...4 months? Is that all? How the hell am I going to pull this off in 4 months? What am I doing to myself?! Is this venue really over 70' long? There is no way I'm ever going to fill that much space."

I honestly can't remember the last time my stomach tingled. I'm not much of a butterfly trap. I usually cut to the chase and just pass out if things go amok. And although this was nowhere near any stage of amok, I was pretty much kinda sorta on the verge of freaking out. Why? I don't know...it's stupid. I mean come on, this is my show. I make the calls. It's up to me and only me to have things the way I want them. Oooh. RIght. Duh...that's why I'm freaking the fuck out. 

So anyway, after a few pep talks from myself to myself, I think I'm doing okay. Although, haha, funny thing- as of today I now have only 3 months left...you know, like 90 days. I still have a LOT to do. The same amount as I had 30 days ago, actually. Well, just about. I did buy some wood and I did go shopping for some screen printing stuff. I started some business card designs. I've had the table saw with a huge piece of plywood resting on top as my work space in the middle of the garage for about, oh, a solid 3 or 4 weeks now. Yeah, that's right. I have an entire basement, an extra bedroom, a kitchen table, a back deck, a front porch...lots of places to set up shop...and I chose the garage. The only place out of all those spaces that is actively used for something else every day. All of those other spaces are generally vacant. Joe has been so incredibly patient and I'm really surprised that he hasn't asked me [told me?] to move my stuff so we can park in there again. Ugh. I don't know....something about the garage just feels right. I wish I wasn't so affected by my environment...it's kind of a pain.

But, thanks to my garage, I did start this one today. Not quite finished and needs to be touched up a bit. The flashcard has to be glued down along with a couple other things. Oh. The white fuzzies are from a towel I shook out. I didn't really see them when I snapped the [chitty camera phone] photo.

Anyway, moving on. I have lots of ideas for new pieces. Tons of ideas, really. The problem is that I am a Gold Medalist when it comes to waiting until the last minute to do things. Seriously. I'm always training and I've become quite good at it, hence the gold medals. Sorry, I don't mean to brag. . . . .


We'll see how things go over the next few weeks. I'm feeling good now that I've gotten my feet wet and I think I'll be able to hold onto the baton for a bit. I'm sure you'll read all about it in the coming months. For now I'm off to bed.

House Tour: Main Floor

It has been so refreshing to read all these recent blog entries that have been mingling with the idea of "Hey look, I'm not perfect." For awhile I was having a hard time with a lot of the blogs I used to love reading every morning. I was starting to find myself cranky, annoyed and a little bit frustrated, and more often than not, a lot of these blogs made me feel bad about myself. It was really no good and I eventually cut out most of my daily reads. I've been much happier since.


When we moved to our house a few years ago, I absolutely loved it. And then I went through this phase where I'd cringe every time I looked around, always finding things I didn't like. It became hard for me to love something when I wished it was something else, and although I knew that I could make it something else, with time and money, I started to feel myself slowly pull away from it. I wanted to move back to Madison and I was afraid of becoming attached to it...the problem with this was that I was still got annoyed with things whenever I looked around. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Anyway, when I joined the Fire Department, I was surprised how quickly I felt calmed by a sense of connection. For the first time since moving here I actually felt like I lived here...it was no longer a place where I just came to sleep and I didn't find myself wanting to be in Madison on all my days off. In fact, I have actually gotten to the point where I would really rather not be in Madison. Of course, I do still enjoy going to visit friends, but it's not somewhere I find myself going to just to get away from my house anymore.


I've been wanting to show you my house for awhile and although I have posted photos of rooms here and there, it always comes with a little stress. I've never felt like I could show very much of it because it's not "finished." Or things aren't how I would like them to look. Or it's messy. Or whatever is wrong with it on any given day. And then the other day I walked around the house with my camera and snapped random photos. I didn't move anything around or clean anything up, and I didn't take a photo only to realize that something had to be moved 3" to the left so I could take a better one. 


After I uploaded the photos, I realized something-- my house isn't really that messy, even though I often feel like it is. And it's really not as ugly as I make it out to be, even though I often dwell on things. It's just that all those damn interior photos of "perfect" houses start to warp my brain and twist my perception a little bit. I could go on, but I'll spare you. Here is my house. I only took photos of the main floor and some photos of the back yard. The basement didn't make it. Maybe next time.


We enter the house through the garage, which walks into the kitchen:

We really like the subway tile in the kitchen, but would like to replace the oven with something that doesn't look like it's from a 1970's Sears catalog. I've also been in search for an old wooden counter-height table to replace this counter with. I'd like it to be a bit longer than this one and I don't want it to have that weird rounded edge. Oh, and this area seems to be our "catch all" since it's right by the door.

Eventually I will replace that scalloped trim above the sink with a piece of wood that's not all fancy-like. I'd like to get new hardware for the cabinets, but it's going to be costly since we have so many. Plus, chances are likely that I'll buy the hardware and change my mind. We've only used the dishwasher once. I should probably give it another shot. We wish that it was a different color, along with the fridge, and it will come with time:
























This is our dining area, although we rarely eat here. We'd love to replace the sliding door with French doors, but it's a dream that's far off. The fan will be leaving shortly and will be replaced with a drum pendant. We're going to do some kind of wooden ceiling when we find what we're looking for to eliminate that weird drop down piece. Recessed lights are in sight as well, and we'd like a different table and chairs.

This is the view past the sliding door. We hope to fill our yard with more trees over the years and I have big plans for making the hammock and garden area feel more connected.
























Here is the view if you look to the left. Those sliding doors are off my bedroom. It's a luxury to have sliding doors that lead to the deck. I don't use them as much as I should...
























This is the living room, which is the next room you walk into from the kitchen. We used to have a giant flokati rug on the floor, but it's really not conducive to a high traffic area. I've been in search for the right rug for about 2 years now...

























This is the view towards the hallway, which leads to 3 bedrooms and a bathroom.

This is the first bedroom of the 3, which is the guest room. I have big plans for it, but since we only have overnight guests a few times a year, I decided it's not a priority. The huge mirror on the bed is from the bathroom we're redoing.

Here's said bathroom...

The next room is probably one of my favorites; I love the vibrant colors. This is actually Joe's bedroom. Yes, you read correctly, Joe and I don't sleep in the same bedroom. No there's nothing wrong and I get really annoyed when people raise their eyebrow over this. We have very different sleeping habits and it's what works best for us. Thanks to this solution, we both get a good night's sleep unlike when we used to share a room.

Oooh-kay, so this is where things get a little odd. Directly across from Joe's bedroom door is my bedroom. This is where you enter. I have no idea what the intentions of the previous owners were or why they would have built it this way, but whatever. Here we have the bathroom, which will thankfully be remodeled and un-weirdened soon. Yeah, it's effed up.

This is the view to the other side of the bathroom/hallway weirdness. I have a big sliding mirrored closet door which comes in handy for practicing dance moves. As you can see, I haven't bothered to switch my blinds yet. I don't really like spending money on things that are only temporary. I'm hoping that this is the next interior space I work on after the other bathroom is finished.

I won this rug on eBay for like $3 or something. It's one of my favorite things. It used to be in my studio down in the basement, but then I realized that I never see it there and so I moved it to my room.
Aaaaand here is the bedroom. I'm hoping to put some French doors in this opening. It's pretty wide and there's no real door right now. The eventual goal is to knock out those 2 closets and add floor to ceiling windows.

The view to the left when I walk into my room. I'm excited about changing the paint color, if I can ever decide on one. I am looking forward to the day that I can get rid of the ugly paneling on the bottom half of the wall to the right. For now, this is my hang out spot. I like to swing in my pod chair and think. The hooks are my only solution to keeping tons of clothes off the floor. It seems to work really well for me, and it also keeps them from becoming wrinkled or full of cat fur.

A really bad photo, but this is my sliding door. Most of the plants live here since it's the only room with South-facing windows. I am looking for a better solution because I really don't like them here. I'm hoping to add more windows to this wall as well sometime in the near future.



This is the view out that small window between the two closets. I am really super excited about those big windows I'm after. I can't wait to wake up and look out the windows to see my big yard. The falling snow will be really cool to see in the winter, too. Oh, and that's where our flokati rug is currently living right now. I need to move it.

Last but not least, my bed. I never make my bed. I am anticipating the day that I have bedding that I like and a nightstand that is more of a nightstand. I usually have a bunch of magazines and notebooks on the bed with me. This is usually where I read or write when it's dark outside. I'm looking forward to having a desk in my room one day. I'm going to put it where my hanging chair is because I don't really like to write in bed.

So yeah, that's the main floor of my house. I really like the layout and hope to live here for a long time. There's a lot of potential and it's great for entertaining. My favorite part is that it's really quiet and we have quite a bit of privacy. I really do love it. Thanks for coming along for the tour. I'll show you the bathroom when it's done...for now I'm off to sand it.

This is Where I Hit "Post" and then Crawl Back into my Shell

So, do you ever feel almost as if you have too many things you want to do? Not things that you feel like you have to do...clean the bathroom, shop for groceries, feed the cats, stop at the drug store for mascara...but you know, like hobbies and stuff? 

And then you stop and realize that you just can't do everything that you want to do and that some things will just have to be brushed to the side to make room? Yeah. I hate that part...and I feel like that part might be closer than I would like it to be.

This year is my golden year. The year I've waited for since the first grade. The year I'm supposed to really shine [per my own agenda for 2012 along with turning 27 on the 27th of January...it just makes sense that I do it up this year.] 

[this photo was taken as a joke for facebook on new year's eve. the huge cheesy smile was intentional...]

Anyway, I've mentioned my to-do list a couple times and I think I'm finally okay with sharing. I've always been one to keep most things under wraps until they are a done deal. Mostly because if I tell people, then I feel like I'm held to it but also because if I fail, I'd rather nobody knew that I tried. Yeah...I'm working on some of those personal hang-ups of mine. Oh, and also- I thought that this post was perfect timing for me. It's a challenge that's been showing up in blogland over the past week. And, like Ez, I'm sure I'll want to delete this post by the time I'm finished. It will be really long and I'll feel like I've talked way, way more than I'm comfortable with.

This post is a doozy. You've been warned. Come on in.

Here are the goals I've been pecking away at for the last 4 months, along with some words for each:


1. Finish a novel: done.
2. Become a volunteer firefighter: done.
3. Find a gallery space for my first solo art show: done.
4. Pay off the car: done.
5. Start playing hockey: in the process of looking for an "in".
6. Start brewing beer: will happen this summer.
7. Take an overnight solo canoe trip: will happen this summer.
8. Start playing bass guitar again: will happen this fall.
9. Join a yoga class: will happen this fall.

1. I have not read a book since I was about 15 or so. I've never enjoyed reading anything other than magazines or blogs...I've always wished to, but never have. I'm sure that being forced to read when I was younger only made me resent the idea even more. But as an adult, it really sucks to want to do something and not understand why you have such a hard time with it. The sun eventually came out last summer when I found out that I have ADHD...ugh, saying that makes me cringe...but finally understanding why I have always had such a hard time with certain things has really helped me. My meds have helped me a lot. I never realized how tired I used to be all the time or how many things were always going on in my head every second. I guess I thought it was normal. I mean, it was normal for me. So finding this calmer rhythm has made it easier for me to sit and read sentences from start to finish rather than skipping lines or even entire paragraphs to read the end and then go back to read the middle. I don't have to re-read pages multiple times anymore, and I'm still kind of amazed that I can do this with ease now. It's cool. Anyway, the book I read was Hot Lights, Cold Steel by Dr. Michael J. Collins. I really enjoyed it...anything to do with the medical field has always intrigued me. I think it helped that the story was based in Minnesota and Illinois, since I'm right between those states, and it didn't hurt to learn that he plays hockey and drives piece of shit cars. I love hockey and drove a piece of shit car for a long time. I became a professional at getting stranded...it was nice to finally get a brand new car a few years ago. But yes, the book-- it was great and I plan to read his second book soon.

2. I've wanted to be a firefighter since I was about 18. I think I forgot about it for a few years since Joe didn't take me seriously, but the idea rekindled once we moved to Madison. As it turned out, I had just missed the hiring process and would have to wait 2 years until it came around again. Those 2 years went pretty fast and soon I found myself in a room with hundreds and hundreds of people anxiously shaking their legs and rubbing their groggy eyes. It was early. The test took a few hours to complete and then it was time to wait. At this point I was more focused on the fact that I actually went through with the somewhat tedious application process and was okay with whatever happened next. Some people try 3 or 4 or even 6 times before they get hired. It's rare that it happens the first time around. I will give it another go in January. Needless to say, my letter said that I wasn't moving on to the next round. I spent the next few months trying to find the courage to join the volunteer department in my very small town. I was afraid they were going to look at me and think I wasn't serious. I suppose I grew accustomed to that reaction; I have a small frame which apparently translates to "weak" and to be honest, I was nervous that they wouldn't have gear that would fit me well. I was thrilled and relieved that they were so welcoming when I showed up. They were really nice and seemed excited to show me around and tell me their stories. Anyway, you're supposed to go on the first Monday of the month if you're interested in joining...I missed a few by accident and a few on purpose and then I finally told myself "okay, next month I will do it." I pulled out my calendar to pen it in so I wouldn't skip it, yet again, and quickly realized that the next day was actually the first Monday of the current month. I couldn't find a reason to wait till the next month as originally planned, and the following night I found myself quietly walking across the parking lot and into an unfamiliar building. I got my gear a couple weeks later...it fits decent-ish. Right now I'm only probationary, but I'm pretty excited to see what's to come. It's one of those things that I knew I would never forgive myself for if I grew old without at least trying.

3. I booked a space late last week for my very first solo art exhibition. When I decided that this would be the year that I finally went through with it, I figured I'd have till October/November. Well, those dates were full and so I took a week long slot beginning on September 7th. I'd be lying if I said I didn't freak out a little after I did this. I mean, seriously, September 7th is in 4 months. That's really, really soon. Too soon? Hmm. Well, anyway- I have a lot to do. But, I know it will be fun and I am really excited about it! Extremely nervous, but excited.


4. We paid the Toyota off last month. We're both super stoked because for the first time in 9 years we will have extra money! We are celebrating our first month of extra cash by starting our bathroom revamp. Exciting, right? Yeeahhhh.....more on that one later. 

5. Hockey. Oh, hockey. It's the only sport I watch [photo above was taken at a Minnesota Wild game] and the only sport I have ever wanted to play [other than soccer.] Growing up, I'd come home with the waiver to join hockey every school year. For one reason or another, the answer was always the same. By high school I couldn't just go join....for one my school didn't have a team and two, I was waaay behind everybody else who had been playing since they were young. Skip ahead a few years and I lived near Kenosha, Wisconsin- land of depression and lack of personalities. It's damn near impossible to find people with common interests. Sorry if you live there and take offense...I lived there too and absolutely hated it. Ugh, I could never do it again. But, now I am lucky enough to live near Madison, and I am working on finding a way into a league. I've never skated or played hockey, other than street hockey when I was younger. I'm pretty amped that this is finally going to happen, although I am kind of feeling like I will be in over my head if I take this on along with the art and fire stuff. We'll see. If it doesn't happen this year, it will happen next year.


6. I've been talking about brewing beer for ages...I'm mostly excited to make the labels for the bottles. This is a 'Me and Joe' venture. We don't share too many hobbies so this will be fun. :)

7. I bought my Bell Merlin II [a solo canoe] last fall and have gotten out quite a few times. It's the main reason there are weeds in my garden. I'm planning to do a solo canoe trip down the Wisconsin River at some point this summer, which has been something I've looked forward to for awhile now. The reactions I have gotten about this have been entertaining as well as annoying. A lot of "that's so cool!" and even more of the "by yourself?!" and "WHY would you want to do that?!" or "that's dangerous!" My answer for them is: "yes, by myself", "to get away from people like you" [okay, that's not the entire reason...and I don't really say that. but still.] and "driving is dangerous too, you know."


8. I've had my bass guitar for about, ooohh, 10 years now. Bass is my favorite instrument to listen to in music, with drums coming in at a close second. I'm going to buy a nicer amp and I'll probably take some lessons so I can build a decent foundation. I'm looking forward to it.


9. Yoga is one of those things that should have happened a long time ago but just hasn't. I do meditate and I really could use the flexibility, along with the vast amount of other benefits, so it only seems right that I do this. I'm shooting for October...after the art show is over and canoe season takes a break.

So yeah, those are my prospects for 2012. In writing, it doesn't seem like much, but I feel like I haven't really had a direct focus in a while so this will be good for me. Next year's list includes stuff like beekeeping, welding and learning how to ski, and I'm hoping to start school before I'm 30.


I've felt great since I started working on my list. It's nice to have goals; they're so important for anyone who's after some sort of personal growth. If we don't challenge ourselves, we just stay. Staying is boring. It never changes. It becomes dull. I know that change scares people, but I don't know how people stay comfortable by living in their little boxes that always stay the same. It makes me sad that they are afraid to try new things and that they just fill the same routine, all the time. That they don't realize there's so much more to life than shopping, eating, working, watching television, browsing the internet. I know it comes down to more than simply doing something; there's usually a reason they haven't tried. But even just trying something small can have a tremendous impact on a person's self confidence. To me, self confidence is the first step towards genuine happiness.


But anyway, that's basically it. I know, it's a lot of words. It feels weird to throw all of those things into the world, to total strangers, and to people I know in real life who secretly read this blog. If you made it to the end, I'm pretty impressed. If you skimmed through, I don't blame you. Like I said, this post is a doozy. But thanks for reading whatever you did read. I'm interested in hearing about the goals you hope to conquer. Hearing about people who go through with doing things that scare them is one of my favorite things. I think it helps to feed my own ambition to read or hear about people who are living.

Okay, I need to start drywalling the bathroom now...I've never drywalled before. This should be fun.


Thanks again, friends. :)